I knew I had not been on here for a while but didn't realise it was this long.  I don't know where the time goes really. 

I said in my last post about being free from the 'ought to's' and it's amazing how much better life has been day by day.  I can sit and read with no guilt.  I get up every little while and do something then go back to my book and fully enjoy it.  The house has been staying okay pretty much until I start spending a lot of time out and about.  That tires me and my legs hurt so I don't keep up as well.  But hey, it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

Following on from that comes the desire to  be fitter and healthier.  It's not about losing weight now, but being able to move more freely.  I make it a point to go upstairs several times a day whether I need to or not.  I can't sit still as long as I could - I need to be on the move.  Another change is wanting to dress better around the house and wear jewellry and makeup just for me whether anyone will see me or not.  It's early days and I'm creating new habits but here's hoping.  I am doing my best on babystep at a time.  Weight loss will follow - or not but is not my main focus.  I am finding that I make better food choices sometimes lately, being more aware when I go to the kitchen not to just grab something to stuff in my cake-hole.  If I want to do that I may grab a glass of water. 

I've become more sociable over the past couple of months and am enjoying other people's company in person or on Skype.  Seems I'm getting back to being the me of old.

I've given up on the long nails, typing was too much like hard work [and they kept falling off lol].
And I can cross stitch again sometimes.  I have stopped the pictures I was doing that have a lot of random single stitches.  I am loving being back to it again.  I missed it so much.  I'm limited to how much I can do, but hey, some is better than none.

So life is pretty wonderful now and I'm so contented and happy.  At last.

 
Life is good and I'm happy.  Mainly because of I've realised that I don't have to do things in order to enjoy myself and relax.    Boy, it feels good to just 'be' and 'do' without guilt.  When I worked outside the home I spent an amount of time on housework and related stuff like that.  For some reason ever since I retired I thought I should spend my time cleaning and doing. Duh.  The time I spent at work can be 'me time' and now that I think that way it's amazing.

I coloured my hair a different colour today, a purpley red that is gorgeous.  I love it, Chel chose it for me.  Good choice on her part methinks.

And I've almost finished doing my nails.  I've used a do it yourself acryllc tips kit. It worked out pretty well although I haven't added a coloured varnish yet.  I  forgot how hard typing is with long nails......and it will be interesting seeing how long these last compared to professionally done ones.  These are far cheaper by far.  Watch this space.  I'll try to remember to post an update eventually.

Today was changeover day for our phone and broadband supplier.  As far as I can tell it all went well.  We are now up and running with O2. Fingers crossed.

Andy is happy so far in his new job. It's strange having him home about 4.30 every afternoon though but it's great having him so happy.




 
I'd written a bunch then Firefox decided to crash or something and I lost what I'd done. That is a pain in the neck way down at the lower part of the back.  I'll try to remember what I was saying. 

Easter has been and gone.  It's the first time in about 12 years that we have all had the full Bank Holiday off together.  Our friend Helen was kind enough to come in and see to the dogs so we could go out for the day on Saturday without having to watch the clock.  We had a lovely day at Chester Zoo, one of the best I've seen.  They have plenty of room for the animals, try to stimulate them and simulate their conditions in teh wild as much as possible.  The weather was ideal, not too hot, cold, windy or wet.  Nor was it crowded = bonus.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about why I feel the need to 'work' all the time.  To explain what I mean, I can't enjoy myself reading or playing in general if there is housework to be done.  No matter how good I leave it at night, and how nice it looks, I always feel that I 'should' be doing something useful.  How stupid is that?  Sure, there is always something to be done if I look for it, (or even if I don't) but this is taking the work ethic thing too far.  I'm trying now to live in the moment and am finding it wonderful.  Instead of daydreaming, I try to stay aware of what is going on around me.  And part of that is realising that I do not have to be using every minute to work, but have earned the right to do things I enjoy without feeling guilty about it.  That isn't to say that I can just play all day every day, but there is a happy medium.  Way hay, new ground for me.  Let me add here that no one pressures me to do anything.  Andy and Chel like me to relax and enjoy life.  All this is self imposed and I'm working out where it comes from and why, although those answers don't really matter.  It's the behavioural/thinking changes that
are important to me.

Also, when I'm in pain I go to bed for a while.  I can get comfy on my pillows and let the pain ease.  I may/may not fall asleep but it seems to be doing me good.  I still take the meds but taking the pressure off my neck and shoulders seems to help a lot. 

And now I'm off to bed for the night before it gets silly late.  I will just 'put the downstairs to bed' before I go up so I can come down to a nicer place in the morning.  This makes me feel good.......



 
A lot of trees are in blossom and more are flowering daily.  There are daffs in the garden, and grape hyacinths and plenty of tulips getting ready to bloom.  I love the spring, seeing everything coming to life.  To watch the trees when you can notice the changes every few days from twigs to a hint of colour at the ends, to tiny leaf buds, then little leaves etc.  It's the beauty that gets to me.

I'm well and happy.  Busy but happy.  I've been mixing with people more, online and in real life and that is good for me.    I seem to be always busy but I've also been sleeping a lot.  I get up earlier but have an afternoon nap.  Must be doing me good though.

Chel often has the radio on in her car when we are out and about.  I've started to listen to the same station when I'm busy around the house and am finding my joy in that again.  Current fave is Bruno Mars.  There's just something about his voice and music that I like.

Last night we put Sky Arts channel on to watch/listen to Andre Rieu.  Well, he got me in  floods of tears with his solo of Brahams Lullaby.  I've just found someone playing it on a harp on YouTube.  I used to sing it to my children all those years ago and haven't heard it or remembered it for years.  I really think music is the language of my soul.  It can affect me so deeply.

Jess dog ate my grapes this afternoon while we were out.  Don't even wonder why they were on top of the printer at the back of the desk.......but she got 'em and ate 'em all up.  I wanted them.  That's why I bought them after all.  They were exceptionally nice ones as well.  Trouble with a tall dog, and a lurcher certainly is that.  As a former lucher owner said, they are designed like a giraffe.  (Thanks for that Maggie.)  No matter what she does we can't really get too annoyed with her - and Stevie loves her too.    One night she woke Chel by trying to curl up in a laundry basket of clothes in her room.  Pretty funny.   I caught her trying to get up on a shelf in a cupboard because something was on her bed.....she is soooo funny.  And very loving too.

Well, that's it for tonight.  My bed is calling loudly so I'll go keep it company. 
Thank you for reading this blog, BTW.

 
before I start todays writing I just want to point out that I had saved a blog and never got back to post it, so although it has today's date it is actually a couple weeks old.  (see my red face?)

I did it!  It was wonderful!  I'm so so happy!   "It" was finally meeting my sister.  She and her husband are smashing and I'm so lucky to have them in my life now.  I really enjoyed their company on Saturday.

Now to recap the past few weeks or however long it's been since things were at all normal....whatever that means.

One thing I've done is agreed to help with a Wikipedia site.  It's fun but challenging.  My first task was to amend some logos.  That meant learning to edit photos etc, deleting the old logo and adding the new one in it's place and they are different shapes and sizes.  That involved using layers and all sorts of techie stuff.  I struggled with it and spent many hours doing it but feel so proud to have accomplished it.  To do this I made a new online friend, Bex.  This lady lives in the US and is deaf.  She teaches American Sign Language and is busy helping people with it.  She seems to do so many things I'm not sure if she ever sleeps.  

She asked me to include two websites for you to look at. One is about her son Craig who has overcome handicaps: www.caringbridge.org/visit/craigbennett  The other one is her singing on Youtube:  http://www.youtube.com/user/sign4uall/     It pleases !"students to look and see that more people have looked at her youtube song.   Thank you. 

It's nice making new friends, especially ones who are totally on your wavelength.  This lady keeps me laughing.  I have missed it for that past few days with no internet!

The weather has turned nice and springlike.  I can't wait to get out into the garden and that is something I seldom say.  I have been trying hard to get the house back up to my standards but am wondering whether to say goodbye to those standards.   I just like everywhere to be clean and shiny and nice.  For myself.  We all like it nice but I do it for my pleasure.












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I've just been too busy to come on here most of the time. The rest of the time I've been too tired. Every day I think "I'll write about this or that on my blog later"  but somehow it doesn't happen.  It would appear that a) the thoughts don't just jump from my mind to the computer without some physical input from me and b) the good fairies don't do it for me.  Now isn't that just amazing!?!  and surprising?!

I'm happy.  That is the main thing.  Life is good.  Sure,there are things that could be better but overall it's good. 

The dogs keep me laughing (or swearing sometimes).  When we went out Jess has again grabbed a roll of giftwrap and tore a lot of it to bits all over the floor.  Annoying?  Yes but not enough to  get mad about.  We just laugh because you can see how much fun she had doing it.  Now Stevie never did this before we had Jess so she gets the blame but...........  And one day this week we left the kitchen door open when we went out....big mistake.  By the back door we found: a bread wrapper torn up and empty that had held half a loaf, a cake wrapper (empty) that had been unopened when we left, an empty toaster waffle packet that had 4 waffles in it when we went out, and maybe more.  Oh, we also had one noticably stuffed lurcher.  These are skinny dogs like greyhounds so a distended belly really was obvious.  These doggy goodies were at the back of a countertop on top of a four inch high storage container.  The container was right at the front edge when we got in.  As it held sweets and biscuits it's a good job she didn't go for that as well or she'd have been ill for sure. 


 
I'm gobsmacked.  Really.  Just before our phone line died and took the internet with it I looked for my high school yearbook and class information.  It's our 50th anniversary this year, so I figured it was a good time to see if anything was planned.  And I found a bunch of information, including a contact address.  Long story short this kind lady emailed me straight back with a lovely letter.  I have not been in touch with anyone from the town in more years than I care to admit.  Looking through the yearbook was a real walk down memory lane this eveing. Many thanks to the person who did all the work to put them out there for us to share.

More later, now off for a coffee or maybe a *small* glass of something to celebrate.


 
No, it really isn't that bad but getting there!!  I'm basically contented and happy.  Just restless this afternoon.  My breathing isn't great, I feel like I have a chest cold and have been like this for about a week now.   Andy pained two doors last week and the fumes set me off with breathing problems and it hasn't gone away.  It's getting me down a bit.

The dogs are keeping me company and are so amusing.  Stevie decided last night that he'd start barking using his 'big boy' bark all of a sudden for no reason that we can find.  He just had a session of looking at us, wagging his tail like billy-o, and barking.  It was hilarious to say the least.  He can bark and sometimes does to say 'let me in' but indoors just  make funny noices that are particular to him - we call is yipping or Stevie talking. 

I'm doing okay with the knitting.  I just tend to unpick it and start over when I make a mistake that I can't repair.  I am getting better at picking up stitches and going back etc.  I quite enjoy knitting at the moment.  At least it's something I can do while listening to TV etc.  I'm slow but not in a race so that's fine.  I gave two scarves as gifts that were well received.

I've read a book called the Mouth Trap in another effort to curb my eating, as well as keeping a food diary for several weeks.  Sometimes I don't eat because I don't want to write it down, and I am trying hard to be honest with myself.   This does not present a pretty picture..... but it is showing me good points as well as areas for improvement.  I eat better so I can enter that I've had a meal.   And I'm often more aware of each bite as suggested in the book.

Here's a funny thing that happened today.  Good job I wore trousers. We went to the shopping centre at Wellingborough.  In the first shop I felt my knickers (underpants) start to slip downwards.  And they kept going south.  Not very comfortable I have to say.  But at least I had on trousers to stop them falling completely off so I didn't have to pick them up off the floor!  I hope you are giggling here, I am.   One pair of knickers ready for the bin, I won't risk them again.

 
I've been playing with my knitting again.  I got some size 12 needles (Andy called them ginormous when he saw them) and boy are they great.  I tried the same pattern I was making using an 8 and a bigger needle but using an 8 and the new one. It's nice with the smaller ones and even lovlier and lacier using the bigger one.  I've unpicked that multi-coloured scarf I made last week so I can reuse the wool to make a nicer one.  I'll make it narrower and longer this time.  And probably making a proper pattern just because I can.

This house needs some time spending cleaning and tidying.  But my knees ache so badly today that I don't want to move too far.  We did the shopping and that's enough.  I should have taken my stick with me yesterday......good time to decide that, huh.  You'd think I'd know by now that going to town = need a walking stick.  No exceptions at all, ever, anytime.

Still getting used to the hair.


 
When I look in the mirror all I see is a dark thing on top of my head.  I coloured my hair a dark red yesterday from a blondish colour.  And I feel it's all wrong.  But Andy and Chel like it.  I know it wlll fade quickly - red always does.  It a colour I used to use all the time but I'm no longer used to seeing it.  I'll get used to it.  Or I'll get it cut really really short and bleach it again.  It will be a bugger to bleach from red and it's not really worth the effort. 

My hair really darkens in winter and lightens in summer naturally so I felt the need to change the colour somewhat.  This isn't somewhat - it's drastic.  By this time next week I'm likely to love it!!!   (Maybe)   Added later in the day:  There are some positives to this colour.  My favourite jumper looks great with it.  Eye makeup looks better with it. I feel that I need to wear it now but I didn't with the other colour.  Out shopping this afternoon I didn't catch sight of myself at all so I  didn't frighten myself.  No one screamed and ran away.  

I'm knitting all the time lately.  I found another easy pattern which I'm enjoying far too much.  I'm loving the result.  So I'm working on two scarves and reading one book.  I just finished the two books I was reading.  One paper one and one Kindle one.   I also  had a new game for the DS.  It's the Uno card game.  Good fun and second hand.  What more can you ask for?

It's time to do a bit more house work to keep this place the way I like it.