thanks to the meds working as they should (and me taking them regularly). So that is that is that done and dusted. This did prove to me that Omeprazole really works for me.
Now on to the rest of what's been going on in my head and life. I've finally faced and accepted a couple things that have caused me a lot of stress and ill health.
I've known for a long time that I have control issues. I can't let go. I want things done right; I do my best to do things to the best of my ability. That is hard to live up to as well as to live with. Now I am facing it head on: I am trying hard to be more flexible and lower my expectations from myself and everyone else. 80% can be fine. Everything does not have to be 100% and my life will improve once I am able to adopt that in every area of my life.
I dread painting around the house because I know I won't get it "right" by which I mean done to professional standards. Well, that has kept me from even starting for over a year. So sad. Everyone else praises what I've done, I am happy with the overall result but I am too aware of the flaws. I foucus on the wrong things. I'm finally accepting that this is all part of me and refuse to let it stop me doing things anymore. Fresh white paint not perfectly done beats grubby yellowing paint (that wasn't perfectly done either).
I now see that the areas of my life that I beat myself up over most are not in fact flaws to be corrected but are actually an innate part of me to be accepted and loved. It took a lot of tears and the loving words of a dear friend to make me understand this. The knowledge is very freeing. The easiest way to describe this is to say I suddenly saw things from a new angle instead of straight on. I hope I remember this lesson which has taken so long to learn and incorporate it into my daily thoughts.
Another area that has been causing me stress without me being aware of it is my moderating. I've let it become a time consuming chore rather than a pleasure. I need to let go of it and let new people deal with it. They won't do it MY way and that is fine. There is no one perfect way to do it......(can't believe I really said that when my head says if it isn't done my way it's not right!)..and other people can do it very well. As I now see that this is a stressor for me I've chosen to give it up completely and walk away from it. I've met some lovely people through it but as they have become friends I hope they will stay in my life. I have been here before but chose to give it another go against the advice of those who know and love me best......will I ever learn that they do really have my best interests at heart? I appreciate how hard it has been for them lately not to say "Told You So" but to make their point clearly nonetheless. They are glad I've made the decision to stop doing it.
I've been under the weather in so many ways for a while now. Here's hoping that things will start improving quickly now and that I can find the full enjoyment of life as it can be.
I'm thankful for family and friends who love me. Thank you all. I know some of you read this.
Now on to the rest of what's been going on in my head and life. I've finally faced and accepted a couple things that have caused me a lot of stress and ill health.
I've known for a long time that I have control issues. I can't let go. I want things done right; I do my best to do things to the best of my ability. That is hard to live up to as well as to live with. Now I am facing it head on: I am trying hard to be more flexible and lower my expectations from myself and everyone else. 80% can be fine. Everything does not have to be 100% and my life will improve once I am able to adopt that in every area of my life.
I dread painting around the house because I know I won't get it "right" by which I mean done to professional standards. Well, that has kept me from even starting for over a year. So sad. Everyone else praises what I've done, I am happy with the overall result but I am too aware of the flaws. I foucus on the wrong things. I'm finally accepting that this is all part of me and refuse to let it stop me doing things anymore. Fresh white paint not perfectly done beats grubby yellowing paint (that wasn't perfectly done either).
I now see that the areas of my life that I beat myself up over most are not in fact flaws to be corrected but are actually an innate part of me to be accepted and loved. It took a lot of tears and the loving words of a dear friend to make me understand this. The knowledge is very freeing. The easiest way to describe this is to say I suddenly saw things from a new angle instead of straight on. I hope I remember this lesson which has taken so long to learn and incorporate it into my daily thoughts.
Another area that has been causing me stress without me being aware of it is my moderating. I've let it become a time consuming chore rather than a pleasure. I need to let go of it and let new people deal with it. They won't do it MY way and that is fine. There is no one perfect way to do it......(can't believe I really said that when my head says if it isn't done my way it's not right!)..and other people can do it very well. As I now see that this is a stressor for me I've chosen to give it up completely and walk away from it. I've met some lovely people through it but as they have become friends I hope they will stay in my life. I have been here before but chose to give it another go against the advice of those who know and love me best......will I ever learn that they do really have my best interests at heart? I appreciate how hard it has been for them lately not to say "Told You So" but to make their point clearly nonetheless. They are glad I've made the decision to stop doing it.
I've been under the weather in so many ways for a while now. Here's hoping that things will start improving quickly now and that I can find the full enjoyment of life as it can be.
I'm thankful for family and friends who love me. Thank you all. I know some of you read this.
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