I'm a Success
again, copied from my Blogspace
I've been thinking about 'Success'. The word has so many facets when we use it in relation to our own lives. What defines success? Could it be our wishes coming true.
I've decided that in my case that is just what it is.
The biggest thing is that I can finally see that I've reached many of my goals and am living with the results.
As a child one wish was to live in a peaceful loving environment. I didn't know that description of it, but that is what it boiled down to. I spent years on this one, not knowing how to achieve it because I didn't know what it looked like or felt like. And sadly, I didn't recognise it for years once I had it. This is a part of my world that I particularly treasure, and is the root of why I like my house to be neat and clean, not too cluttered, and above all, warm and welcoming for all. Having just become aware of this, I can now begin again to enjoy cooking and baking - things I have let fall by the wayside.
Another area where I felt a lack was education. I felt a deep need for qualifications of some sort or another. I didn't matter what, just to have some. As a young person, I was valued and praised for my academic achievements at school. Nothing else ever seemed good enough or got me any praise. I was never good enough in myself. Only my grades got me positive attention. So when I left school and didn't go to college, I was a failure. By osmosis, I felt a failure. The fact that I wasn't didn't matter. My day to day small successes didn't matter. The only thing that mattered at a very deep level (that I was fully ignorant of) was that I hadn't "lived up to my potential". A potential set by other people. What a waste of so many years of effort to reconcile my progression through life with someone else's goals for me and not any of my own goals and dreams.
When I did get various qualifications, I didn't even recognise them for the achievements that they really were. Now I can see that they were massive milestones in my journey. I am proud of them. I worked very hard indeed and deserve the results.
I've been thinking about 'Success'. The word has so many facets when we use it in relation to our own lives. What defines success? Could it be our wishes coming true.
I've decided that in my case that is just what it is.
The biggest thing is that I can finally see that I've reached many of my goals and am living with the results.
As a child one wish was to live in a peaceful loving environment. I didn't know that description of it, but that is what it boiled down to. I spent years on this one, not knowing how to achieve it because I didn't know what it looked like or felt like. And sadly, I didn't recognise it for years once I had it. This is a part of my world that I particularly treasure, and is the root of why I like my house to be neat and clean, not too cluttered, and above all, warm and welcoming for all. Having just become aware of this, I can now begin again to enjoy cooking and baking - things I have let fall by the wayside.
Another area where I felt a lack was education. I felt a deep need for qualifications of some sort or another. I didn't matter what, just to have some. As a young person, I was valued and praised for my academic achievements at school. Nothing else ever seemed good enough or got me any praise. I was never good enough in myself. Only my grades got me positive attention. So when I left school and didn't go to college, I was a failure. By osmosis, I felt a failure. The fact that I wasn't didn't matter. My day to day small successes didn't matter. The only thing that mattered at a very deep level (that I was fully ignorant of) was that I hadn't "lived up to my potential". A potential set by other people. What a waste of so many years of effort to reconcile my progression through life with someone else's goals for me and not any of my own goals and dreams.
When I did get various qualifications, I didn't even recognise them for the achievements that they really were. Now I can see that they were massive milestones in my journey. I am proud of them. I worked very hard indeed and deserve the results.