because I'm falling back into some bad habits. No, not seriously bad ones, just lazy ones. It's making me miserable as well. Maybe writing on here will help me kick start myself again and also may help me to see why I'm doing this to myself. My fingers aren't co-operating very well so there will probably be lots of mistakes that I don't catch in my typing. The backspace is the most used key this morning!
I don't want to face these thoughts at all; they are painful to admit - even to myself. But here goes anyway.(and I am aware that I'm not the only person on earth to have these problems to some degree at some time.)
I'm still not showered and dressed four hours after I got up. Need to wait for the bathroom to *air* before I can go in there to wash right now. The thing is that I can't be bothered to shower before I go to bed, then can't get dressed first thing in the am since I feel dirty and smelly. So I potter around, waste time, talk to Andy, watch some TV, play a game, and so on and on and on.....then it's afternoon. But the worst part is what it is doing to me stress wise. I am hoping no one comes to the door. I am ashamed of myself. I can't just go outside or go anywhere. My clothes are clean and ready to wear, that isn't really an issue. My nightwear is comfy - but so are my other clothes. They are all easy to grab, yadda yadda yadda.
So WHY ON EARTH am I not showering and dressing when I get up? I just don't know. It wasn't a problem when I worked - of course showering, making up and dressing up were the normal routine during the week. Weekends were different though. Maybe because I had nowhere to go and no one to see? Because I didn't have to get dressed? Because I deserved to be a slob? Because it's my basic nature? Because Flylady.net says get dressed to shoes every day and I hate wearing shoes? (I like Flylady and what she says does work and make sense.)
Well, whatever the reason, it is no longer valid since it is not making me happy. I've been becoming more and more aware of this for the past few weeks or more. I don't think it is to do with my depression other than making it worse.
Some of this stems, I suspect, from not wanting to get dressed and spoil my clothes around the house.....but I have clothes specifically for around the house that CAN get spoiled without it mattering in the least and they fit, are comfy and look good on me. I have plenty of make up and creams so that isn't a problem either. I have a space to get dressed etc and a nice bathroom with nice towels and products to use. I have no demands on my time to stop me from caring for myself more. More money would not help - it's a mental thing.
The cure? Get clean and get moving. Make plans to go somewhere every day as a carrot. JUST DO IT. I feel better when I'm clean and dressed as well as less stressed. I do more and eat better.
The other thing I've been doing is putting jobs off till later. Three days to put away a basket of clean, folded and sorted laundry. It took just a few minutes, but I had to push myself to do it.
I've been quite busy and stressed this past few weeks due to Hubby's job/training situation, but that isn't a full reason or excuse as the problem has been going on for longer than that. I just didn't want to admit it to anyone else or even really to myself. By putting it on here might, I hope, spur me on to improve.
I'm a good, kind and caring person who just wants herself to be perfect in every way. Maybe wanting to be perfect in every way is the problem in itself. A rebellion? I don't know.
I don't want to face these thoughts at all; they are painful to admit - even to myself. But here goes anyway.(and I am aware that I'm not the only person on earth to have these problems to some degree at some time.)
I'm still not showered and dressed four hours after I got up. Need to wait for the bathroom to *air* before I can go in there to wash right now. The thing is that I can't be bothered to shower before I go to bed, then can't get dressed first thing in the am since I feel dirty and smelly. So I potter around, waste time, talk to Andy, watch some TV, play a game, and so on and on and on.....then it's afternoon. But the worst part is what it is doing to me stress wise. I am hoping no one comes to the door. I am ashamed of myself. I can't just go outside or go anywhere. My clothes are clean and ready to wear, that isn't really an issue. My nightwear is comfy - but so are my other clothes. They are all easy to grab, yadda yadda yadda.
So WHY ON EARTH am I not showering and dressing when I get up? I just don't know. It wasn't a problem when I worked - of course showering, making up and dressing up were the normal routine during the week. Weekends were different though. Maybe because I had nowhere to go and no one to see? Because I didn't have to get dressed? Because I deserved to be a slob? Because it's my basic nature? Because Flylady.net says get dressed to shoes every day and I hate wearing shoes? (I like Flylady and what she says does work and make sense.)
Well, whatever the reason, it is no longer valid since it is not making me happy. I've been becoming more and more aware of this for the past few weeks or more. I don't think it is to do with my depression other than making it worse.
Some of this stems, I suspect, from not wanting to get dressed and spoil my clothes around the house.....but I have clothes specifically for around the house that CAN get spoiled without it mattering in the least and they fit, are comfy and look good on me. I have plenty of make up and creams so that isn't a problem either. I have a space to get dressed etc and a nice bathroom with nice towels and products to use. I have no demands on my time to stop me from caring for myself more. More money would not help - it's a mental thing.
The cure? Get clean and get moving. Make plans to go somewhere every day as a carrot. JUST DO IT. I feel better when I'm clean and dressed as well as less stressed. I do more and eat better.
The other thing I've been doing is putting jobs off till later. Three days to put away a basket of clean, folded and sorted laundry. It took just a few minutes, but I had to push myself to do it.
I've been quite busy and stressed this past few weeks due to Hubby's job/training situation, but that isn't a full reason or excuse as the problem has been going on for longer than that. I just didn't want to admit it to anyone else or even really to myself. By putting it on here might, I hope, spur me on to improve.
I'm a good, kind and caring person who just wants herself to be perfect in every way. Maybe wanting to be perfect in every way is the problem in itself. A rebellion? I don't know.
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